My Toddler Won't Nap
Fighting naps: what to do when your toddler won’t nap but needs it!
The other day I was talking with a client about how hard it is when your little fights naps! It reminded me of my own struggles with a toddler who won’t nap. My daughter was fighting her nap so hard, even though she was tired. This wasn’t the first or last time she refused a much-needed nap, and every time the struggle is real!
Now we’ve moved on to a new struggle. The “I’ve mostly stopped napping but still really need a nap” phase, but that’s a story for another blog post.
Let me set the scene.
I had a lot to do while my toddler napped. We were off of our normal routine, but I was crossing my fingers she’d fall asleep quickly so I could get some work done. And of course, the opposite happened!
She wiggled. She tried to play. She nursed almost to sleep and then popped back up.
She stuck her feet in my face. Pulled on my shirt.
The harder I tried, the wigglier she got.
Frankly, I was frustrated. I felt myself getting irritated. I knew she was tired. Thoughts like “why won’t you just sleep” and “I have so much to do” were running through my head.
I’m guessing you know the feeling. Your toddler is exhausted, but they just can’t settle down for their nap. It feels like a fight that you are both losing.
So, what do you do when you are stuck in the nap fighting hell?
Acknowledge if part of the problem is a mistimed nap. For me, in the above story that was a factor. We’d missed her normal nap time and she was overtired. She had gotten a second wind to push through, but that second wind hadn’t dissipated yet. She was physiologically not able to calm down to sleep. Her body had some energy it needed to burn off. Accepting this helped me be more patient with her.
Sometimes we try too hard. It’s not helpful to try and get a little one to sleep for an extended period if it’s clearly not working. Everyone just gets frustrated. It’s better to take a short break, maybe play a bit or read a book, before trying again. In the case of my toddler, she had second wind energy she needed to get out before she could nap. Holding her and struggling to get her to sleep was not a good or peaceful way to get out that energy. She needed to play and settle down on her own terms.
Recognize your own emotional state. Our children pick up on our emotions. My toddler new I was stressed. I needed to calm myself so that I could help her calm. I was too focused on what I needed to get done to focus on what she needed. Shifting my mindset helped me let go of the pressure I was feeling to get her to sleep. The pressure I was putting on myself wasn’t helping and was undermining my end goal of a napping toddler and getting work done.
So, what happened…
We stopped trying for a bit. I let her play with her books and a few toys for a while until her energy level seemed to be settling down. I picked her up, nursed her, and she was asleep quickly.
It doesn’t always work that way. I’ve had 2 regular nap fighting kids myself as well as many clients who struggle with naps. We can do the best we can to set up good napping routines, but ultimately, we cannot force a child to nap. Life happens, and sometimes our kids are going to struggle to nap.
If you are struggling regularly with sleep timings, I’m happy to talk about how I can help you find a routine that works for your family. Improving nap struggles usually goes beyond simple sleep timings. Schedule a free, family sleep intro call here for us to talk.