To the parent of a 4 month old baby (Encouragement during the four month sleep regression)

Hey there tired and confused parent,

I see you wondering what in the world just happened! You made it through the newborn exhaustion and chaos, and you finally felt like you were starting to get a hang of this whole parenting and sleep thing….

When your baby was 3 months old, you were feeling pretty good.

Maybe you had some longer stretches…

Maybe you were starting to see some very basic patterns in your baby’s sleep…

And your little one finally had their days and nights sorted….

And then your baby turned 4 months old, and everything changed!

Side note here: 4 months isn’t a baby change switch, and some of what I talk about in this post may happen for your baby earlier or later. Development works on its own timeline.

Suddenly your baby is fussier, fighting sleep, waking more, and needing more support to go back to sleep. You may be wondering if you did something wrong, or if there’s anything you should be doing to get sleep back on track.

You are not alone!

Maybe you’ve googled and googled, and found something called the 4 month sleep regression. Maybe that gives you comfort, or just leaves you feeling a bit overwhelmed. Let’s talk about what’s happening here, and why calling this very tricky time a regression doesn’t quite fit.

Regressions or progressions?

The 4 month sleep regression is many parents first encounter with the term sleep regression. Sleep regression is a term used to describe times when sleep suddenly gets more intense and challenging. However, regression is a word referring to a loss of skills. During this time your baby is not losing sleep skills, but they are gaining skills in other areas. Their development is progressing, and sleep gets tricky as a result.

Additionally, regression is a negative word. If you frame your baby’s sleep in a very negative way, it can make it more difficult for you to accept and support the process. How we talk about something affects our ability to cope with it.

Changing sleep cycles around 4 months

4 months is a common time for a baby’s sleep cycle to mature. It’s still short, but your baby’s sleep cycle becomes more complex, adding in light sleep they previously did not have. As a newborn, your baby entered sleep through REM sleep. After the sleep cycle matures, they enter sleep through NREM light sleep which brings a new sensation and experience to falling asleep. This new more complex sleep cycle is part of the sleep disruptions seen around this age.

Developmental change

Sleep and development are interconnected. Periods of rapid development often affect sleep in a negative way. 4 months brings a lot of developmental change. Your little newborn has turned into a more curious, social, and distractible little baby. They are practicing skills like rolling, babbling, and reaching for and grasping things. Their social, and more interactive side means more distractibility during feeds and when you are trying to settle them down for sleep.

Changing sleep needs

Newborns sleep a lot, and baby’s sleep needs drop as they move out of the 4th trimester. The average sleep in the first 3 months is between 14-17 hours of total sleep while the average sleep for 3-6 month old baby is 13-15 hours of total sleep across 24 hours. This could mean your little one needs 2 hours less sleep give or take some. Of course, this doesn’t happen all at once, but sometimes their changing sleep needs can sneak up on you. This is often a time when baby’s need significantly less daytime sleep, and parents need to adjust their expectation to meet baby’s changing needs.

How long does the 4 month sleep regression last?

You may be wondering how long sleep will be so disrupted.

Development unfolds on its own timeline, and no one can predict exactly how long sleep will be this disrupted. Most families experience at least a few weeks in this phase, many experience it for longer. Sleep will change again, and you will find yourself in a new phase.

You may also be wondering, what can I do?

There is both a lot you can do, and not a lot you can do. There are no quick fixes to development. Here are a few things you can try to support you through this phase.

1.       Give your baby lots of play opportunities to practice their new movement and babbling skills.

2.       Reassess their sleep needs. They may need less daytime sleep, to be awake for longer to build more sleep pressure, or a bedtime adjustment.

3.       Reevaluate your bedtime and pre-nap routines if you have them. Are they helping your little one calm down for sleep or do you need to make some adjustments.

4.       Make peace with your little one needing more support. This is normal.

5.       Stay calm. Sleep is constantly changing, and this phase won’t last forever. Staying calm will help you and your baby move through this phase more connected.

Most importantly during this time, remember that you did nothing wrong!

Sleep has ups and downs, harder and easier times. Development is a powerful driver of your baby’s sleep. If your little one is a more intense or sensitive temperament, you will feel these disrupted periods more intensely.

Trust your instincts. Respond to your baby. Experiment with some adjustments. And, reach out if you need help.