Comparing your baby to another | How to avoid the temptation to compare

“I know I shouldn’t compare, but I can’t help comparing my baby (or toddler) to how other babies are sleeping.”

I hear this sentiment a lot. Gather any group of parents together and they generally start sharing what their baby or toddler is doing. Hearing how other littles are sleeping and developing can really draw you in to the comparison trap, even if you know it’s not helpful. When you have a more wakeful, intense, or sensitive little one, these comparisons can really start to take a toll on your mental health and confidence.

Comparison enters your thoughts like:

“Why can’t my baby sleep like that?

“What am I doing wrong?”

“Why won’t it (insert any piece of sleep advice) work for me?”

This was the topic of a wonderful conversation we had in a parenting circle in my Intuitive Parenting Community a little bit ago. It was such a great conversation that I knew I needed to capture the conversation in a blog post to share more broadly.

How to avoid the temptation to compare your baby to another

If you feel the pull of comparison, The pressure of what other babies can do, the judgement of other’s views on your baby’s path…. try some of these tips and see if they help you stay more centered.

Your baby is an individual

Your baby is their own person with a unique temperament and capabilities. That is what makes them the wonderful, loveable tiny human that they are. Babies are not robots, and they all can’t sleep and develop the same. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of this. My baby is an individual with their own development journey.

Adults are all different

This was a tip shared by one of the moms in our community. Of course, babies are different. Adults are all different. We all sleep differently and need different things to help us feel relaxed and comfy for sleep. It’s not realistic to expect babies to all sleep similarly when adults don’t.

Remember there is a wide range of normal

Typical, common development includes a wide range of normal sleep and development. This is true for all aspects of sleep and development more broadly. Children sleep for long stretches, sleep independently, need less support at very different times - Different in years not just different in months. Even though your baby’s sleep might look very different than other babies you know, it is most likely still within the range of normal.

Try some parenting affirmations

Affirmations can give you strength when times are hard, or the weight of other people’s expectations feel heavy. When you are starting to wonder “why your baby…” .have some phrases to remind yourself some of what you need to hear. Here are a few to get you started.

·       They aren’t giving me a hard time. They are having a hard time.

·       I am my baby’s safe place.

·       Waking is normal.

·       There are other parents awake around the world right now.

·       My baby is developing on their own timeline.

Avoid talking to the people who encourage comparison

We all have parent friends, family, coworkers who help us feel great about ourselves, our kids, our parenting. Then there are the people whose comments, no matter how well meant, tend to leave us feeling worse or wondering why our baby isn’t doing something yet. Part of protecting your mental wellness is stepping back from conversations with those types of people as much as you can. On a similar note, it can help to be mindful of social media consumption. Some accounts may build you up while others leave you guilty, full of self-doubt, and wondering why your baby doesn’t sleep or behave like the babies they talk about.

Share with folks who encourage you

We need community, and to share our experience with other parents. Finding the people that support you makes all the difference. Share with the people who help you see the big picture. Share with the parents who encourage you and validate you. Share with the ones who help you understand your child for who they are.

It’s hard to resist comparing babies and parenting journeys, but next time you feel the pull or you feel the self-doubt take over, I hope one of these strategies helps you reframe the situation. You’re baby will get their on their own time! You are doing a great job!

Comparison or not, maybe you’re not sure if your baby is sleeping normally.

That’s okay, I’m here to help. If sleep is causing tension in your family, I may be able to assist. Schedule a free intro call below, and we can assess together.