6 Sleep "Shoulds" That Simply Aren’t True

There’s a lot of opinions on baby sleep.

Scroll through Instagram; spend some time on google; talk to your pediatrician; ask a friend or family member….everyone has ideas about how your baby should sleep. The problem is that many of our deeply held beliefs about baby sleep are more cultural belief than biological fact. 

From all my conversations with parents and my own interactions as a parent, I think it’s safe to say that most of us have heard most, if not all,  of these statements below. Many times they are shared with confidence, authority, and a bit (or a lot) of implied fear for what will happen if you don’t do this “should”. 

1. You should put baby down drowsy but awake.

2. You shouldn’t nurse to sleep.

3. Your baby should be sleeping through.

4. You shouldn’t respond or they’ll never be independent sleepers. 

5. You should teach them to self-soothe. 

6. You should sleep train, or your baby will never learn to sleep/you’ll never sleep/you are teaching bad habits.

Did you know that none of these statements are true? None of these are based in infant development, supporting healthy sleep, or human biology.

So why do you hear them so much?

Well because they are strongly held cultural beliefs that our society has about how we want babies to sleep and how we want to parent. They are not evidence-based. They are not in line with biologically normal infant sleep. And, they are not in line with most parent’s intuition.

You might be asking yourself where they came from if they aren’t evidence-based or development informed. And that is a good question. They come from sleep training culture. They come out of a historically developed idea that the independent, solo sleeping infant is the norm and the goal all parents should strive towards. The history of sleep training tells us a lot about how our sleep shoulds developed, and you can read more here if you are interested.

As a sleep coach with a cultural anthropology background, I believe that understanding these cultural influences on sleep can really empower parents to ignore all the noise and pressure and choose sleep strategies that feel right. There isn’t one right way to support sleep. Nothing you do right now will ruin your child’s sleep habits long term. Any strategy that tells you to ignore your child’s distress or expect complete independence is a strategy based in sleep training culture, not biology.

And yet, these messages can really undermine your confidence and cause a lot of anxiety. While we can’t control the societal messaging, it can help to have a few different ideas to tell yourself instead. Let’s flip the sleep shoulds around so they can encourage you along your journey.

How about trying out these sleep “shoulds” instead…

1. You should listen to your instincts, your heart, and your baby

2. You should do what works for your family.

3. You should focus on connection.

4. You should make sleep choices that reflect your parenting values.

5. You should never do anything around sleep that feels wrong in the name of promoting healthy sleep!

If you want help sorting through all the sleep shoulds, rules, and conflicting info to come up with a personalized way to support healthy sleep in your family, I invite you to set up a free family sleep intro conversation and let’s see how I can help.