What to do when anxiety keeps you from sleeping

Your baby is sleeping, and you are not….

Do you find yourself lying in bed, unable to slow your brain down enough for sleep?

Do you struggle to fall asleep because you are anticipating the next wake up? What’s the point if you know they’ll be up again soon.

Maybe you find yourself checking the clock each wake up, and calculating:

How many times they’ve woken that night?

How much sleep you have left?

Or, maybe, you have stress and anxiety completely unrelated to your child’s sleep.

And yet the end result is the same. Your little one is sleeping, and you are not.

You are not alone.

Stress, worry, and anxiety have a negative impact on our sleep, regardless of how often our child wakes in the night. From everyday concerns to more intense clinical depression and anxiety, mental health and sleep are connected. And once you have trouble sleeping, you often add worry about your own sleep to the mix!

Our worry over our little one’s sleep and our own sleep can make use sleep worse. Not only do we spend time worrying instead of sleeping, but it can affect the quality of the sleep we are getting.

So, what can you do?

Start a mindfulness practice.

Mindfulness might be one of the most beneficial things to do for yourself as a parent. Mindfulness teaches us to stay in the present moment. It brings our awareness to our thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations without judgement. A regular mindfulness practice reduces stress, anxiety, and depression. Keeping ourselves grounded in the present helps us step away from projecting fears into the future or over focusing on the past.

For parents of littles, a lot of parenting anxiety comes from projecting fears into the future. If I do this now, they will never sleep through the night, stop needing me, be independent… They will always need to nurse to sleep, me near them, such intense support….

When our stress and anxiety is keeping us awake, mindfulness can help us set it all aside. A regular mindfulness practice before bed can help you clear your thoughts so that you are able to relax into sleep. When your child wakes, mindfulness can help you focus on that moment rather than the negative spiral of how bad the rest of the night or next day will be.

There are lots of mindfulness apps with both free and paid content. Insight Timer, Calm, and Headspace are some to get you started.

Try a thought dump or journaling in the evening.

It’s difficult to sleep with heaps of thoughts and to dos swirling around in your head. Simply pushing them aside can be a challenge. Try writing down all the things worrying you or that you need to do. These can be child related or general life stress type things. Acknowledge them. Set it all down, and then tell yourself to think about it tomorrow. Over time this ritual of clearing your head can become a signal to let go.

Start a bedtime routine for you.

We focus on bedtime routines for children so much that we can forget to have a calming pre-sleep ritual for ourselves. If you want to support the best quality sleep for you, you need to feel relaxed headed into sleep. Creating a predictable routine can help cue your body that sleep is coming as well as helping you calm your body. Pick a regular sleep time (not too late), dim the lights, create a calming routine, and help yourself relax into sleep. Avoid anything too stimulating or stressful in the time leading up to sleep.

Avoid screens around sleep.

Screens are terrible for sleep! They are both mentally stimulating and disrupt your sleep hormones. Turn off your phone, tablet, computer, and TV an hour ahead of bedtime and do your best not to use them overnight during wake ups. If you must use a screen around sleep time, use a blue light filter or glasses to lessen the negative effects.

Get moving.

Regular activity supports better sleep and decreases anxiety. Including more movement into your day doesn’t need to be another stressful to do. There are lots of simple ways to increase activity. Take your little one for a walk. The fresh air and sunlight will help your sleep and mood as well. Try having family dance parties. Get a running stroller and take your little one for a run. Include more movement in your play with your kid. Find a parent exercise group for child friendly ways to get moving and for the community.

Watch your caffeine intake.

I love coffee and caffeine is definitely part of putting my best parenting foot forward. Watch how late in the day you consume caffeine though. The half-life for caffeine is around 5 hours, and your body needs time to process caffeine before you sleep. For many people afternoon and evening caffeine consumption can undermine your sleep.

Try a self-compassion exercise.

Stress and anxiety often come with self-criticism or a lot of pressure on yourself. Try intentionally shifting into self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself. When you are having a difficult night with sleep, it’s helpful to take a moment to acknowledge that you’re struggling right now. It’s hard. But equally, you are not alone. This is what it’s like to parent young children, and many other parents around the world and throughout history have been there, are there. You are not alone. It’s part of the human experience. Take a moment and send strength to yourself and out to the other tired parents up at that moment with you.

Do not check your clock or count wake ups!

It’s so tempting to track everything, to take a quick glance at the clock when your child wakes you, to want to know exactly how many times your child woke up. Often, we want to know this information without pausing to think if it’s actually helpful. Counting wake ups, tracking sleep down to the minute, constantly checking the clock…all of these tend to cause more stress and anxiety. They also disrupt your sleep. Unless there is a very good reason to know that information, resist the pull to track it.

If your child’s sleep or development is the cause of your worry, get support to see if there’s reason to worry.

Our culture creates a whole range of unrealistic expectations for children’s sleep and behavior. This causes a lot of stress and anxiety. The right information and support can make a huge difference here!

Is their sleep normal, and you need to focus on coping strategies? Are there things you can adjust in your environment and routines? Are their health issues contributing to your sleep challenges? Most people feel better with information and a plan!

If your stress and anxiety are interfering with your day-to-day life, reach out for help.

While there are often steps, we can take on our own to manage stress and anxiety, sometimes more help is a good thing. If you are really struggling, reach out to a therapist to figure out what other options may help you move through this challenging time. Parenting littles is intense, demanding, and requires a lot out of you. It’s ok to need some extra support.

If you want help with the above, let’s talk about how I can help you in a free family sleep intro call.