How to night wean: tools for making the transition

Deciding to night wean is a big step. If you didn’t see my blog post earlier in the month on the decision to night wean, check it out here. Once you’ve decided this transition is right for you, or even just to reduce nighttime nursing, how do you start to night wean?

There are many ways to support your little one through the night weaning process. Their personality, readiness, language skills, and preferences will all guide you in coming up with a plan. There are simple, low-pressure ways to cut back on nursing and more intentional strategies to eliminate feeds.

Easy ways to reduce night feeds.

Some of these are geared towards bedsharing set ups and others work in all sleep set ups.

 1. Pause first

If you always offer to feed at the first stir, pause and offer a snuggle, a back rub, or a “I’m right here. Go back to sleep.” Before nursing. Your little one may surprise you and resettle sometimes without a feed. If not, then nurse. This isn’t about stressing your little one out but rather a pause to see if they’ll accept other types of connection.

2. Introduce a lovey or comfort item

Try introducing a lovey to your toddler. Make sure you include the lovey in snuggles and nursing sessions before seeing if your toddler will snuggle it instead of comfort nursing.

3. Increase daytime nursing

Make sure they are nursing enough during the day. Busy toddlers (and older babies) are sometimes too distractible and on the move to pause, nurse, and connect enough during the day. Trying to increase daytime nursing and connection can sometimes reduce nighttime nursing.

4. Try a dream feed.

Feeding your little one right as you are ready to go to bed can sometimes support a longer sleep stretch afterwards.

5. Modify your sleeping position

When bedsharing, snuggle them with their back to your front. If they are facing away from the source of milk, they might help themselves a bit less. Or, turn your back to your little one.

6. Change your pajama attire

Make nursing harder to access by what clothes you pick for sleeping. If it’s not instantly available, some more laid-back toddlers will just resettle.

7. Have your partner help

Have your little one sleep next to your partner/coparent. Snuggling up with their other parent may be just enough to go part of the night without so much nursing. This can also be a more intentional weaning tool. If going for super gentle nudging here, you can always bring your child next to you when they are really showing that they want to nurse.

If not bedsharing, swop parents for some of the wake ups. Pick the ones where your little one is most likely to accept not feeding and settle more easily.

When it’s time to completely night wean, you need a plan.

My recommendation is intended for toddlers around 18 months or older. If your little one is between 12-18 months, move forward with a little more caution.

1. Introduce limits during the day first

Make sure your child has experienced some type of daytime nursing limit. If your child has never had a nursing limit and you suddenly start trying them at night…. it’s likely to be very difficult. Everyone’s coping is low. If you are taking the lead in reducing or cutting out feeds, introduce the concept of nursing boundaries first. Make sure not to overdo it. Some little one’s need more daytime nursing during the shifts that come with night weaning. Over limiting nursing during both the day and at night can nudge them towards total weaning and stress them out. This is definitely a balance.

2. Start talking about night weaning through social stories

Get a book on night weaning and start talking about the fact that milkies (or whatever your child calls it) needs rest at night. I like the classic night weaning book Nursies When the Sun Shines. This is a great way to introduce the concept and start talking about it. You can read the books for weeks or even months before you start actually night weaning.  

3. Make sure your child has other ways they find comfort.

This can look like adding in new soothing tolls when you nurse for a period of time so that your little one builds familiarity and comfort with them while you are nursing. This tool is called layering sleep cues or habit stacking (Lyndsey Hookway) depending on who you ask.

4. Start with shorter nursing sessions

Begin shortening nursing sessions using the new soothing tools to help settle your toddler once you’ve unlatched. You can shorten them based on how deeply asleep they are or based on a time (singing a song is a great tool here).

5. Have your partner take over some night-time duties

For some little ones, it’s easier to swop parents and plan to have the non-nursing parent snuggle and respond to wake ups overnight for a period of time to reset the pattern. If bedsharing, some  families find that having the nursing parent sleep in a separate room is helpful during this time. This should be done with lots of preparation and talking about it ahead of time.

There are lots of different options to gently move through the night weaning process. If you’d like help creating a plan and moving sensitively through it with your little one, reach out and let’s talk.