Should I put my baby down drowsy but awake?

Put your baby down drowsy but awake is a common piece of sleep advice. But, is it really something you need to do?

Many parents are warned against soothing their baby to sleep in favor of teaching them to fall asleep independently. You may have heard comments along these lines.

“You shouldn’t nurse or rock your baby to sleep.”

“Your baby needs to fall asleep independently.”

“it’s important to put your baby down drowsy but still awake.”

“If your baby learns to fall asleep in their crib independently, they will be more likely to sleep through the night.”

The problem is that babies don’t often cooperate, especially very young babies, and many parents’ struggle. Everyone says it’s an essential skill in forming healthy sleep habits, so when baby won’t cooperate, it’s easy to feel like a failure.

Many parents are made to feel guilty for nursing or rocking to sleep, for holding and connecting with their babies. They feel it’s their fault their baby wakes rather than recognizing the strong biological drive behind connection and improved sleep.

But, babies need to be held.

So, is drowsy but awake a healthy sleep habit?

The short answer is no, it is not.

Considering drowsy but awake a healthy sleep habit for a baby is a completely cultural view with no evidence behind it. Supporting your baby to fall asleep is biologically normal.

Little ones are hard wired to need touch, closeness, and connection to feel safe and secure enough to sleep well. Feeding, motion, and holding to support sleep are developmentally appropriate tools. In fact, nursing and motion help many babies relax into sleep. Babies are inclined to want contact around sleep so it’s not a habit you are creating. It’s a need you are meeting. Some very laid-back babies will be able to be put down drowsy but awake, but they are the exception—not the norm.  

Babies haven’t read the books or listened to your pediatrician, friends, or well-meaning family members. They don’t know the strange obsession our culture has around falling to sleep independently. They only know what they are hardwired to need based on hundreds of thousands of years of evolution – to stay close and connected to you.

So, what are healthy sleep habits then?

Falling asleep at the breast is healthy and normal.

Falling asleep in your arms is healthy and normal.

Falling asleep being worn is healthy and normal.

Needing a parent’s support to fall asleep is healthy and normal.

All of these normal human behaviors are healthy sleep habits. Creating healthy sleep habits is about helping little ones feel relaxed, safe, and secure. It’s about creating a lifestyle that supports sleep physiology.

You may be thinking, what happens long term?

If I support my baby to sleep now, how will they eventually get more independent?

Many babies will grow out of the need for such intense support on their own, or you can change how you parent to sleep when it’s no longer working for you. There’s no need to avoid helpful tools because down the road they may possibly be a problem.

These worries are normal.

If you are worried your baby needs support to fall asleep but are happy to continue, then I hope you can set that worry aside. You do not need to stress yourself over how to get your baby to go down drowsy but awake. Babies do not need to fall asleep independently to sleep well.

If you’ve reached the point that you’d like to make some changes to how your child falls asleep, reach out. I can help you figure out a gentle path forward that considers your child’s age and temperament.