6 things to do when you have hit a wall of exhaustion
You’ve managed on not quite enough sleep for months…. but suddenly you hit a wall of exhaustion. You’re tired, like the kind of tired where you can’t think straight, have no patience, and don’t really trust yourself during the day. too tired to even think about how to improve things so you won’t be so tired someday.
Most of us have been there at one point or another as a parent of a baby or toddler. While I can promise you that you will come out on the other side of that deep exhaustion, here are 6 things to try that will help you reset and move forward better rested.
1. Try to get 4 to 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep over one to three nights to reset and recharge.
When you are deeply exhausted, protecting a 4-5 hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep over 1 to 3 nights can make a huge difference in your energy and mental health. There is something magical about that length of sleep stretch. When you have a very wakeful baby, this takes support. Think of who you most trust with your baby who could take charge for that length of time either at the beginning of the night or at the end (depending on what fits everyone’s sleep needs best). Your partner/coparent, a postpartum doula, baby’s grandparent are all great options for support.
Whoever is on baby duty can plan for lots of hands on support (babywearing, snuggling, staying very close). It doesn’t have to match your normal routine, simply be very responsive to your baby so that you feel comfortable to catch up on sleep. Often weekend nights work best so that your partner or other family member/friend can rest more easily during the day if their sleep is negatively affected.
These few nights to recharge may be enough on their own for you to continue. They may give you enough of a recharge for you to think through any changes you may want to make to shift sleep patterns. Or they may become a regular part of your coping strategies – something you do weekly or a few times a month.
2. Ask yourself if you are centering sleep as your most important priority in daily choices.
Each day we make a lot of choices that affect our sleep. And at any moment, we have a lot of different goals around a baby’s sleep. It can help to really decide to prioritize getting more sleep rather than working on other sleep goals at least in the short term. This may mean:
Continuing or starting to safely bedshare.
Co-napping with your child or napping on your own while someone else takes care of your baby.
Taking shifts to protect nighttime sleep.
Going to bed early.
Having your partner take your baby in the morning so that you can sleep in.
Saying no to things to make life feel more manageable.
3. Make sure you have a safe place for validation and encouragement that will not make you feel guilty, blame you, or pressure you to do things you don’t feel comfortable with.
Having a wakeful baby is exhausting! Feeling like you are under constant pressure to sleep train adds more exhaustion. Finding a supportive space that matches your sleep values can lift you up and ease emotional exhaustion. It can also be a safe space to troubleshoot when you are looking for suggestions.
4. Bring in more support in other areas of your life.
We all need more support, and support can show up in different ways. Outsourcing responsibilities whenever possible can give you more time to rest and recharge. If finances allow, hire a house cleaner, get delivery for dinner, or try some of the chef prepared meal services. If finances are tight, ask your support system to help. Can someone cook you dinner, run an errand for you, or watch your baby so that you can have some child-free time.
5. Take a look at your sleep timings, sleep hygiene, and routines.
Hopefully you’ve recharged through prioritizing sleep and getting support. At this point you can consider if your rhythms and routines are working well for your family at this stage. It could be time to drop a nap, shift bedtime, or increase activity. There are a lot of small steps you can take to improve sleep without any major changes. It’s all about looking for patterns and the effect on the big picture.
6. Reflect on whether you want to lean into radical acceptance of your baby’s needs or a gentle, responsive change.
There isn’t one right answer when it comes to supporting a very wakeful baby. Sometimes leaning into those needs and their intensity is the right choice. Other times making some changes to shift sleep patterns may be the right choice. Both choices are valid. Pausing to reflect and listen to your heart can give you the energy to make whichever decision feels most right to you in this phase.