Taking care of yourself as a bedsharing, breastsleeping parent
Bedsharing and Breastsleeping are wonderful tools to support better sleep for the whole family. Most babies and even toddlers often sleep better snuggled up next to their parent. When you have a frequent waker or high touch need child, bedsharing can be the answer to surviving the intensity of the early years. You still need to make sure you’re taking care of your own needs!
As amazing as cosleeping is, sometimes it can be a mixed bag. If you find yourself feeling stiff in the morning, feeling touched out, or wondering how to create a little time to spend with your partner, here are 6 tips that may help you troubleshoot your bedsharing situation.
1. Make sure you are bedsharing in a comfortable way.
While safety is the most important thing when it comes to bedsharing, comfort matters too. It’s not going to be a good tool if you can’t get comfortable and are waking up every morning achy and stiff. Make sure you have a comfortable but firm mattress. Try investing in a really supportive pillow that works well for side sleeping. Try placing a pillow at your back and one between your knees. The better you support your body in your sleeping position the better you’ll sleep.
2. Practice side lying nursing.
Learning to nurse laying down is the key to getting the most rest out of bedsharing. Sleeping close and feeding in a restful position allows breastfeeding and sleep to be intertwined in the way biology intended, and hence the term Breastsleeping coined by anthropologists Dr. James McKenna and Dr. Lee Gettler. If you struggle with this position, practice during the day when you are fully awake. Quick tips for side lying nursing.
Breastsleeping information.
3. Make sure you are stretching your body to keep from getting too tight.
Most parents sleep in a cuddle curl around baby at least most of the time and especially when baby is little. This means that you are spending most of the night sleeping on your side. While pillows and a good comfy but firm mattress are helpful, your body might get tight. Add in a lot of carrying and the tendency to hunch over a bit while nursing….and we need to help our body out some. Try to stretch your chest, shoulders, low back, and hips to keep everything loose. Gentle yoga, a walk, and trying not to sit for extended periods of time without a movement break can help as well.
4. Try starting baby on a safe floor bed or their crib so that you can have a few hours to yourself in the evening.
I hear a version of this situation often from clients: “I love bedsharing, but I don’t want to go to sleep with baby.” Or “Bedsharing works well, but I want some time with my partner in the evening.” This is understandable. Cosleeping for most of the night doesn’t mean baby can’t start the night in their own sleep space. Often little one’s sleep deepest at the beginning of the night making it easier to slip away. You can start the night with them in their crib, toddler bed, or a safe floor bed, and then bring them into bed with you when you come to bed. If baby is under 6 months and you still want to keep them close, try starting them off in a safe sleep space in the main living space of your house.
If none of this works, try carving out couple time at different times of the day. Maybe a nap or a brunch date while someone watches your little one.
5. Make sure to get some time to yourself.
Early parenting is intense. For nursing, bedsharing families, it’s easy to start to feel touched out and as though you are with your child 24-7. Sometimes you actually are. It’s important to prioritize some time for yourself, without being the parent in charge. Some time when you don’t have someone else touching you, needing you. Try and ritualize time each day where you can take some time away to do something just for you. Maybe it’s coffee on your own, a walk, time to exercise, sneaking off to read a book or watch a show. Pick something that feels like it’s filling your cup, not just doing household chores without a baby underfoot or on your hip.
6. If bedsharing isn’t working for your family anymore, it’s ok to stop.
Bedsharing is a great tool, but at some point, it might stop working. Maybe your child is an active sleeper and keeps kicking you. Maybe they take up more than their share of the bed. Maybe you are just ready to be done. It’s all ok. Often children who bedshare transition nicely to a floor bed which gives you the benefits of avoiding transfers and having the ability to still lay down with them when needed.
Bedsharing is a wonderful tool for many families. I hope these tips will help you get the most out of it. Need more support, let’s talk about how I can help you further support your family’s sleep.