What Does Gentle Mean?
Gentle parenting. Gentle sleep coaching. Gentle strategies. Gentle sleep training…
The word gentle is popping up everywhere! So many professionals are using gentle to describe what they do. It’s become a marketing buzz word, and the more it’s used, the less clear it is what gentle actually means.
Gentleness means different things to different people. This really muddies the waters – making it difficult to know what’s what!
A lot of the time what I see described as gentle, especially gentle sleep training, is not at all gentle by my definition.
Knowing a sleep coaches’ idea of gentle is important. You don’t want to find out a few weeks in that their definition of gentle sleep support doesn’t match yours!
I’m going to share some of what gentleness means to me. It’s a hard concept to sum up in a concise definition so here goes…
Gentleness is:
Understanding, supporting, and respecting what is developmentally and biologically normal
Reading your baby’s cues and responding to their needs
Leading with connection and always remaining emotionally available
Acknowledging and respecting your baby’s unique needs and capabilities
Setting boundaries when age appropriate in a way that is loving, empathetic, and still maintains emotional support and connection
Having compassion for your little one and trying to see things through their eyes
Having self-compassion because parenting is hard work, and you are going to mess up
Focusing on coregulation, emotion coaching, and taking responsibility for your own self-regulation
Gentle support should meet you where you are at and extend a hand to help you along the path to where you want to go.
Gentle sleep support should look at sleep as developmental not behavioral. It should recognize that sleep is influenced by many different factors and our solutions must be equally as comprehensive.
Understanding what gentleness IS NOT is important as well…
Gentleness does not involve arbitrary rules about when and how you can respond to or comfort your little one.
Gentle recommendations will never ask you to ignore your baby, your instincts, or your intuition.
Gentle strategies do not try and control your child’s behavior through withholding your love and support.
Simply being physically present in the room does not make a strategy gentle.
I encourage you to think about what gentle means to you.
Ask yourself these questions when evaluating sleep advice:
Does this align with my parenting values?
Would this be a kind way to treat someone if they weren’t a baby (your spouse, a friend, an older relative)?
What does your heart/intuition say?
The answer to these questions will often lead you in a gentle direction. It can help you cut through the social pressure and figure out how you feel.
You can absolutely support family sleep gently. You don’t need to sacrifice your ideas of gentle to improve sleep. You never need to do anything that feels wrong in the name of improving sleep!
If my idea of gentle matches yours, then let’s talk about working together. Schedule a free, family sleep intro call so that we can talk about how I can help!