It’s hard to prepare for welcoming a new baby. All the planning in the world can’t really prepare you for the reality of a new baby, and yet, information and planning can be so helpful. And yes, I know that’s contradictory!

When you are pregnant, you don’t know:

• What kind of sleeper you will have.

• How you will heal postpartum.

• How postpartum and lactation hormones may affect your coping abilities.

• How you will feel about your plans once baby is here.
  

So much can change after baby arrives, and things you think would work great, may not. And things you weren’t open to before may be the exact approach you need.

With all that being said, talking through options, ideas, and tools with your partner ahead of time will get you thinking and communicating about your options.

Before we dive into some of the questions and conversations that may be helpful, let’s frame that conversation with a few very brief biologically normal sleep facts to provide a foundation.

Biological norms:

• Humans are carry mammals, and babies expect close continuous contact in the early months.

• Waking and sleeping lightly in babies under 6 months is protective from SIDS and not something we should be trying to eliminate.

• Babies generally sleep the deepest and longest in the first part of the night and both wake more and need more support in the second half of the night.

• Prolactin levels peak in the early morning hours and prioritizing milk removal at this time is very beneficial for your milk supply.

• Older babies 6-12 months continue to wake and feed overnight, with the vast majority of babies feeding at least once and waking between 1-3 times.

Head to this blog for more age by age developmental norms:

Questions, prompts, and discussion topics for creating a family sleep plan.

It’s important to reflect on your own sleep needs.

• Are you someone who does best with more or less sleep than is average?

• Are you a night owl or morning person?

• Do you have a history of struggling with sleep?

• What is your ideal sleep environment?

• Can you think of any activities you currently do that may not support your sleep as a new parent?

It’s important to reflect on your expectations around your baby’s sleep.

• What are the narratives about infant sleep shared in your family? How are they different or similar to those shared in your partner’s family?

• What do you expect sleep to look like with your baby?

• Where do you expect them to sleep?

• Where have those expectations come from?

• Do you have a plan if your expected sleep approach doesn’t work? Example: baby will only sleep in contact, one parent is really struggling, your expected sleep arrangement isn’t working as you hoped.

• How do you expect to support each other around sleep? What is your ideal? If that’s not working, what else could you try?

Supporting yourself as a parent isn’t just about sleep. It’s also about your well-being and support systems. Try brainstorming 5 things for each of the below categories:

• 5 needs you need help reminding yourself to meet

• 5 nurturing things you can do for yourself daily

• 5 nurturing things you can do for yourself weekly/monthly

• 5 support systems for stress/anxiety/mood

• 5 daily tools for stress management

• 5 ways you can ask others for help

To get you thinking, here are a few things I see working well for parents in the intense early months of sleep and even later during major times of sleep developmental disruption.

• Protect each parent having a 4-5 hours stretch of uninterrupted sleep. An uninterrupted 4-5 hour stretch of sleep (with additional sleep beyond that time) has positive mental health benefits without being so long it negatively impacts milk production.

• Try staying in bed for 10-12 hours. Even with wakes you are likely to get close to 8 hours of sleep over that time.

• Consider some nighttime postpartum doula support. This can be done in a nursing supportive way, with the postpartum doula bringing baby to you to feed and taking over the soothing and other care so you can get back to sleep quickly.

• Consider bedsharing if your family has no risk factors and you are comfortable with this arrangement. Check out safe bedsharing info here.

• Take shifts which can look like a couple different options…

  • One parent goes to sleep early while the other takes baby, swap after 4-5 hours. Works best with a night owl parent taking that first baby stretch.

  • One parent gets up with baby early allowing the other parent to get an extra few hours of sleep. Works best with a morning parent or baby that loves waking early.

  • Prioritize napping during the day if possible and if your body allows it. I know not everyone can nap both because their body just won’t and also because of logistics.

While there are many things we can’t control around sleep in the early months with baby, I hope this post gives you lots to think about and discuss. Having a sense of options and spending the time to reflect on your own needs can be a powerful way to prepare.