When will my baby sleep through the night?
So many parents start asking “When will my baby sleep through the night” early on in their child’s life. Our culture places a strong emphasis on babies sleeping through the night. This view shapes new parent’s focus and expectations.
Maybe you have heard some of these comments…
“Is baby sleeping through”?
“Is baby a good sleeper?”
“Your baby should be sleeping through by 6 months (or some other arbitrary point).”
From friends to family to pediatricians the questions and messages are the same. Good babies sleep through. Good parents have good babies who sleep through. It is your responsibility to get your baby sleeping through the night as soon as you can. If your baby doesn’t sleep for long stretches, then you are doing something wrong, hurting their development, and undermining their ability to sleep forever!
It is hard not to internalize these messages because they are so pervasive.
The problem is focusing on sleeping through the night is more about how we want babies to sleep, rather than their biological sleep norms. Waking at night is normal and healthy. Most babies do so throughout the first year and into toddlerhood. Sleeping for longer stretches comes when a baby is ready to do so, no matter what a parent does. When and how your child sleeps for long stretches is strongly influenced by temperament and developmental phase. Sleeping through is often defined in the research literature as sleeping for 5 consecutive hours, not the 10-12 that most parents are aiming for when they use the term.
Even when a baby sleeps for longer stretches, it doesn’t mean they will continue to do so. Sleep maturity is not a linear process, but ebbs and flows in relationship to other aspects of development. Most little ones go through periods when they wake more frequently, interspersed with periods when they sleep for longer stretches and wake less. No matter how you manage sleep, it is often two steps forward one step back. Expect changing patterns to be the norm over the early years.
Young children wake and need help falling asleep for a variety of reasons. A few of these include hunger, thirst, diaper change, hot/cold, the need for connection, fear, the need for touch/closeness, and separation anxiety. More wakeful periods are often tied to major physical, social, cognitive, and language developmental milestones, as well as other life events like travel, a new caregiver, any big change, teething, or illness. Babies and toddlers are complex little humans whose needs are multifaceted.
It is also good to note that adults do not sleep through the night. We all wake briefly between sleep cycles to adjust the covers, turn over, use the bathroom, or get a sip of water. Most of the time you do not remember your night waking in the morning.
Even the concept of 8 hours of consecutive sleep as the most healthy, normal sleep is more a cultural norm than biological norm. Numerous historical references to segmented sleep suggest that humans used to commonly sleep in 2 chunks with an awake period in the night. The current sleep pattern of one long sleep stretch emerged from improved lighting and the industrial revolution. So, the entire concept of sleeping through the night for any human is problematic, let alone a baby whose biology has evolved to include night waking, feeding, interaction, and care.
Accepting the idea that sleeping through the night is not a realistic goal for the majority of babies and young children allows you to focus your energy on more realistic ways to support sleep. We cannot control sleep, only support it in a healthy way.
If you want help supporting sleep and a healthy mindset around sleep, I can help! Schedule a free, family sleep intro call for us to talk about your needs and how I can help.