Toddlers are joyful, full of energy, and curious. Their job is to grow their sense of self, autonomy, and start figuring out the world around them. This means strong opinions and lots of limit pushing!

And this can mean some struggles around sleep….

So, if your toddler is resisting sleep, struggling with separation, or a handful at bedtime, there is a magic solution….

Connection!

In one way or another, connection is the answer to so many sleep struggles, especially for toddlers and preschoolers.

Life is busy, and there are so many big and small ways we lose connection with our toddlers throughout the day. There is the obvious separation for childcare or preschool and work, and then the daily moments that add up - Busy schedules, rushed transitions, meals to cook, and clean up needing to happen…. But connection is our most powerful parenting tool. It is also our children’s most powerful need. If they don’t head into bedtime feeling connected to you, that feeling of disconnection can emerge in sleep struggles.

Consider these 5 ways to increase connection and make sleep (and parenting) a bit easier without any major sleep changes.

Bonus is they also create a lovely foundation for any changes you may want to make.

1. Special time - Special time is a very specific type of intentional, one to one play with your child. During special time, your child picks the type of play, and you follow their lead, giving them your undivided attention. Set aside your phone, other responsibilities, and the care of other children. Your job is to be truly present and engaged. Even 5-10 minutes daily of this type of play can make a huge difference in cooperation and connection. It’s ok to set a timer and label special time as your child’s name time to help differentiate it from other play with your child. You can read more about special time here:

2. Roughhousing - Roughhousing is any big body play that encourages laughter. You can be a silly or as physical as feels right for your family. Roughhousing lets off energy and can give your child a sense of power if you let them playfully out maneuver you. Laughing together builds connection and releases any stored stress. Roughhousing in the evening before calming down for sleep can also help your toddler head into bedtime more settled and ready to relax and wind down.

3. Playful transitions - Transitions are hard for toddlers, especially when we are trying to transition away from a preferred activity to a not preferred activity. When initiating a transition, first pause to engage in your child’s play. Take a moment to connect with them. Then, use play to help the transition go more smoothly. An example: “would you like to hop upstairs like a bunny or fly like an airplane?” You are giving them some control through offering a choice, and also suggesting fun and silly ways to go upstairs.

4. Empathy - Empathy is understanding, seeing, feeling something from someone else’s perspective. Empathy with our child provides a strong source of connection. Toddlers move through their days with very little control and a lot of big emotions. Empathy grounds us in their experience. It helps them feel understood, accepted, and loved. Empathy also helps big emotions be felt and dissipate, rather than ignored, suppressed only to explode out later. If your child is having a hard time, pushing back against a limit, or just struggling, empathy will help them feel connected to you.

5. Bridging - Bridging to the next connection is a concept developed by Gordon Neufeld, a Canadian Developmental Psychologist. Essentially it involves focusing on being with, or connection rather than focusing on the separation. At bedtime, this means that you focus your language on the next connection (rather than the separation) – coming back to check on them, seeing them in your dreams, a positive thing about the morning. This emphasis on being with them can open up a capacity for more independence and separation when bedtime is tricky.

A key concept with bridging is to work within your child’s capacity for separation not push past where they can cope. The more you build trust in connection and your return, the more easily they will relax into that trust and allow separation. Think of it as a dance over time.

While none of these ideas are quick fixes, over time they will strengthen the connection between you and your child.

Connection is magic!

It will support more cooperation , better sleep, and over-all more joy in parenting. I encourage you to give these ideas a try and see what happens. And if you want more guidance on toddler sleep, schedule a free intro call and let’s talk about how I can help.