What to tell yourself when you are struggling

Nighttime parenting is hard work. It’s helpful to have some tools to support yourself when your doubting your parenting choices or up in the middle of the night and feeling completely done.

Here are a few tools centering around how we talk to ourselves about nighttime parenting with some specific affirmations and reframing ideas.

Practice self-compassion.

Be gentle with yourself. When you are having a difficult night with sleep, it’s helpful to take a moment to acknowledge that you’re struggling right now. It’s hard. But equally, you are not alone. This is what it’s like to parent young children, and many other parents around the world and throughout history have been there, are there. You are not alone. It’s part of the human experience. Take a moment and send strength to yourself and out to the other tired parents up at that moment with you.

Consider parenting affirmations/mantras.

When you are doubting your parenting choices or simply stressed and impatient from exhaustion, having a few phrases to say to yourself can be invaluable. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves how to see a situation in a more positive way or calm ourselves in order to help calm our little one. This can be extra hard around bedtime or the middle of the night when all you want to do is relax or sleep. Pick a few phrases that can help you reset. Here are a few examples to get you started:

• “They’re not giving me a hard time. They are having a hard time.”

• “I am enough.”

• “I am my child’s safe space.”

• “I can do hard things.”

• “Nurturing is valuable work.”

• “My baby is not waking because of how I parent. They are waking because they are supposed to wake.”

• “My babies sleep is not a reflection of my parenting.”

• “I cannot control my baby’s sleep but I can Support them with love.”

• “My baby needs me.”

• “This will not last forever. My baby’s sleep will change at its own rate.”

Another version of affirmations.

Sometimes the kind words need to come from outside yourself. When you are feeling like you are failing or not enough, try this exercise developed by Lyndsey Hookway, Holistic Sleep Coach and IBCLC. Close your eyes and picture the person you most respect and value. Imagine them telling you what you most want to hear about your parenting in that moment. Feel that warmth, acceptance, and positivity move through your body. Hold on to that feeling and use the phrase as your personal affirmation as you move forward from that moment. Maybe you need to hear:

• That you are enough

• That you are doing a good job

• That you’re a wonderful parent

We all need more encouragement and self-compassion. In a world that doesn’t support parents or developmental sleep norms, it can feel like a lonely struggle. You aren’t alone, and I hope these ideas give you some encouragement and new ways to support yourself.

If you want a guide to share information, support, and encouragement, one of my sleep packages may be a good fit. Reach out and let’s talk.